It’s A Girl Thing, Maybe, But Is It Healthy?

I was over in Ruthin, Denbighshire earlier this week. My new hypnotherapy consulting room is very close to completion and I was putting a few finishing touches to it. It’s all very exciting.

 

While I was there I met up with a very close female friend of mine. We were chatting and walking when she confided in me that she hated other women. Shocked, I asked her what she meant, surely she didn’t hate everyone?! She said she actively looks for flaws when she meets other women on the street, in work, at parties – practically everywhere! “That woman has fat legs. I wouldn’t be caught dead in that skirt if I had legs like that.” “That woman shouldn’t be wearing brown because it makes her look like a stick. If I was that skinny, I’d dress better.” chirps her internal dialogue.  An endless cycle of put-downs, designed it appears, to make her feel better about herself.

 

In reality, she didn’t hate other women. She hated herself and her inadequacies, real or imagined. By always comparing herself to other women and pointing out their flaws, she could deflect her low body image onto others.

 

You might say that if it makes her feel happier, why not let her be? That’s the question – is she happier? She confessed that she isn’t. Every day she ends up more and more bitter and insecure, forever looking for the validation that neither she – nor anyone – should need. It seems that most females – and some males – of the species face such body image problems, all because of images portrayed in the media of the perfect body that has since been adapted by the rest of society as what’s acceptable.

 

But I’m not here to point fingers at what or who’s to blame. Instead, let’s work together to get rid of such negativity and destructiveness – for good.

 

1. Accept that we’re all created differently.

Each person was created in a different size, shape, and colour than everyone else. What’s beautiful and what isn’t is also a matter of different perspectives. A person might think that you’re prettier or sexier than this woman, while another person might think you look washed out compared to that woman. You can’t influence their opinions because it’s all about how they see things. Know that it’s this kind of diversity that makes the human race so fabulous.

 

2. Put things in perspective.

Know your attributes, and accept your flaws. Relish them because they make you unique. Understand what you can change about yourself and accept what you cannot. If you decide that there is something you can change then fine, start now! There are more articles coming to help you with this. Remember that you won’t achieve anything by sitting on the sofa or complaining to anyone who will listen, action is power.

 

3. Finally, stop competing with others and challenge yourself instead

When we compare ourselves to others there can only be one result. There will always be someone in the world better than us. You can never really win. Instead, accept what you do have and strive to just be a better version of you. Notice how great you feel as you keep winning against the old you.

If, of course, you have severe body image and confidence challenges it may pay to seek professional help. 

 

Until next  time
Mark

www.markdarlington.com  

Don’t Like Sundays? Tell Me Why!

How to prevent unnecessary worry, anxiety and sleepless nights every Sunday

As I sit here on Sunday afternoon, looking out of the window at grey overcast skies, knowing that in a few short hours it will be Monday morning and time to go back to work, I feel fantastic. It appears that I’m one of the lucky few.

A new survey of more than 20,000 workers by Monster.com reveals more than 80 percent of workers suffer Sunday-night insomnia due to work anxiety.

Many of the people surveyed say their anxiety rises straight after Sunday dinner as Monday looms. With increasing expectations and pressures some workers feel the only way to get ahead is to prepare on Sunday nights — checking e-mail, mentally rehearsing for meetings and worrying about the week ahead.

 

Experts say Sunday-night depression is more common than most people realise. Craig Marker, assistant professor with the Centre for Psychological Studies at Nova South-Eastern University was quoted as saying ”It’s anticipatory worrying,”

If this is something that currently affects you, the good news is there are ways to cope.

“Anticipatory worrying” is so common in many areas of life and not just confined to work related anxiety. We tend to find ourselves getting worked up far in advance of actual events, anticipating all the things that could possibly go wrong. Sometimes getting so anxious it can result in a full blown panic attack. Then, in the future, knowing how scary a panic attack can be we worry about having a panic attack – which in itself can trigger the sensations of an attack. Then we worry about worrying about having a panic attack and so on. You get the picture! A very famous man (but not so famous that I can remember his name!) towards the end of his days was quoted as saying “I have experienced many, many traumatic events in my life and, you know, some of them actually happened.”

If you’re suffering from Sunday night insomnia and anxiety here are some techniques to help you cope.

Get that Friday Feeling

Prepare for Monday before leaving the office on Friday. Spend the last 30 minutes on a Friday clearing your desk or workspace and plan for the week ahead. This will enable you to write any to do lists and get any materials you need ready for Monday morning. If you think you couldn’t possibly spare 30 minutes on a Friday afternoon, you’ll be surprised at how much time this simple exercise saves you and prevents you from playing catch up all week. You can than switch off from work mode and enjoy your weekend right up to the moment you step foot back in work.

Plan your “Funday” night experience

Another plan that can work is to plan Sunday evenings to be as much fun as possible. Maybe catch up on your favourite TV programmes or absorb yourself in that book you’ve not got round to reading yet, phone family or friends and have a nice relaxing bath. It is Sunday after all, didn’t we all used to have a bath on a Sunday night before school on a Monday?

Think Inside the Box for a Change

A great technique for relaxing into a peaceful nights sleep as well as reducing feelings of stress and anxiety is what I call the “Box Breathing” technique. I teach this to clients who come to see me with anxiety related concerns. About 75-80% of my clients are for stress, anxiety and depression related conditions and I love hearing about the great results they get using this and other techniques we share.

Climb into bed, get comfortable and close your eyes. Imagine that you’re going to draw a square in your mind, choose any colour for this – maybe one you would associate with calm and relaxation. Mine is yellow by the way.

As you take a deep, relaxing breath in imagine drawing the left hand side of the square from the bottom to the top. Then hold that breath for as long as is comfortable as you imagine drawing the top of the box from left to right. As you breathe out imagine drawing the right hand side of the square from top to bottom. Finally hold that breath again as you imagine drawing the bottom of the square from right to left and completing the box.

As you repeat this exercise over and over again start to slowly relax all your muscles from your feet up to your eyes. Very soon you will be relaxing into a peaceful nights sleep.

If it’s all too much

Of course, if the anxiety of Sunday night completely washes over Sunday afternoon, Sunday morning and even starts working its special power as early as mid-day Saturday, it may be an indicator it is time to move on to another job. And if it is becoming emotionally disruptive to you and your loved ones, professional help could be the answer.

www.markdarlington.com